


The Most Amazing Book!

by DaughterOfDungeonBat



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: And missionary work is used to keep members as part of the cult, Banned Together Bingo, BannedTogether2020, Book of Mormon references, Criticism of religious theology, Erik is mean to missionaries, F/M, Humor, Missionaries, Post-Canon, Prompt Fill, anti-mormon, missionary work is evil and an extension of colonialism and imperialism, not mormon friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterOfDungeonBat/pseuds/DaughterOfDungeonBat
Summary: Christine is far too polite to tell the young men on her doorstep that she isn't interested in their religion, or where they can stick their book.Luckily for her, Erik has no such qualms.
Relationships: Christine Daaé/Erik | Phantom of the Opera
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	The Most Amazing Book!

**Author's Note:**

> With this fic (assuming it and others are accepted to BTB2020 when the collection reopens!) I will have my first bingo!
> 
> This fic is not for anyone sympathetic to Mormonism or any other organization that relies on missionary work. The practice is disgusting and predatory.

Christine Daaé was too kind. It was a trait that had been nurtured as a small child when she and her dear father had to rely on the kindness of others in order to survive, and it was the sole reason that she had been able to find the human within the monster, and then turned that human into a real man.  
  
That unending kindness was also why, when Erik returned to their home one afternoon, he found his wife trapped in conversation with two young men on the doorstep. In the brief moment that Christine caught Erik’s eyes in the midst of her spellbinding performance as a housewife who wanted nothing more than to be accosted by these men, she called for help.  
  
“Gentlemen.” Erik said when he was standing almost within the two men’s shadows. They nearly leapt out of their skins- clearly not anticipating to find the near skeletal figure of a man in a mask who dwarfed them by nearly a foot. They were young, cleanly (if cheaply) dressed, and the taller and thinner of the two carried a small book under his arm.  
  
“Hello!” said the shorter, heavier young man, while his companion went wide-eyed and pale.  
  
“Hmm.” Erik glanced at Christine, who looked beyond relieved that the attention of the pair was no longer on her. “Perhaps you two can tell me what you’re doing here, and allow my dear wife to get out of the sun?”  
  
“We’re here to tell you about Jesus!” The shorter man said just before Christine’s stifled smile was hidden by the closing door. “I’m Elder Caleb, and this is Elder Cayden!”  
  
Missionaries, now that was not entirely expected. From his limited experience, they were identical to the carnival barkers who had once cajoled passersby into paying a few coins to come gawk at Erik- utilizing the infallible strategy of being as abrasive as possible until the cost of putting up with them was greater than just giving them whatever they asked for.  
  
Well, as these boys were about to find out, they were facing the master of manipulation through being a nuisance. And a peaceful doorstep would be a much easier prize than the obedience of an opera house.  
  
“If you just take a look at this book-“ The taller, Elder Cayden, jumped in. Calmly, Erik raised a hand to stop him.  
  
“Oh, I don’t believe in them.”  
  
The missionaries blinked at each other.  
  
“You don’t believe in God or Jesus?” Elder Caleb said, tilting his head like a particularly dense dog.  
  
“No no, I believe in our Lord of course,” Erik said with a light laugh, whether or not it was true, “Books. I don’t believe in them.”  
  
Cayden made a small noise of confusion, and Caleb looked down at what was obviously a book in his companion’s hands.  
  
“Then what’s that?” Caleb said, even as Cayden smacked him hard on the arm.  
  
“A brick.” Erik said plainly. “Painted on the sides. Since it can’t be a book, which don’t exist.”  
  
“But-“  
  
“Have a nice day sir!” Cayden, clearly the more intelligent of the two, grabbed Caleb and dragged him down the street without another word.  
  
Once they were out of sight, the door opened a crack.  
  
“That was cruel, Angel.” Christine said, though she smiled wryly. Erik just shrugged.  
  
“Not the worst crime I have committed, but certainly one of the more amusing."

**Author's Note:**

> tips for chasing off solicitors for various cults-  
> don't say you haven't heard of Jesus, that's their in!  
> Never give them your phone number!  
> DO give them the phone numbers/addresses of known bigots!  
> NEVER let them into your home!  
> They rely on people being too polite to just say no! Remember, they are the ones being rude by trying to convert you to a cult on your doorstep. You are not being rude to tell them to get fucked.


End file.
